Tomorrow I will be on my way to looking like a super model

I am lying in bed nursing Harrison like I do 1000 times a day. Really, 1000. I counted.  This is pretty much what we look 456 of those times.....

What does this have to do with being skinny by the end of this week? Well, plenty. See in those 10 minutes every couple of hours I lay there and think about how incredibly thin I will be soon because tomorrow I am starting a real diet. A skinny by the end of the week diet....
 Oh shit (I think to myself) we are going out to El Portal for lunch (my favorite Mexican restaurant) how am I ever going to diet there?
 It's ok I can just eat 1 enchilada and split my beans with Harrison. That is practically diet food right there. I can feel the pounds melting away. Soon, I will look like this:







Shit, wrong picture, this is how I feel when I have 3 glasses of wine instead of the 2 I usually consume on a Saturday night. I literally see this face when I look in the mirror.

I will look like this:

   Einstein shirt and all..........


After a light lunch I will enjoy a refreshing salad for dinner and finish it off with a slice of watermelon. I will do this every day for the rest of my life and never struggle to button my jeans again. I will never poke my muffin top and then try to tuck it INTO the top of my jeans again. I will be skinny and it will all start tomorrow when I make good choices at El Portal. "1 enchilada and share the beans, 1 enchilada and share the beans" I repeat to myself over and over as I fall asleep.

The morning arrives (after being woken up 6000 times, seriously with all the night nursing I do I should be 100 pounds) and as I drink my coffee I repeat my mantra "1 enchilada and share the beans..." I confidently walk into El Portal, sit down with my fam and BAM. I black out...............

When I come to this is in front me:



7 empty plates of deep-friend mexican food. Damn it. My diet is ruined, I will never lose 13 pounds in one day after eating all that crap! My waistband is tight, I am feeling nauseous. I just want to lie down and take a nap. Wait.......
 I can totally eat those brownies at home. I will sooooo start my diet tomorrow.  I will be skinny by Friday. Everything is going to be ok!!!!

Shit, we are going out for sushi. It's ok I will just eat one roll, that is super healthy it is practically diet food. I got this!!!  String bikini here I come!!